


It Ends Between One Heartbeat And The Next

by TheSilenceIsFalling



Series: Everything must always end, but that just paves the way for new beginnings [1]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-22
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-03-08 05:22:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13451430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSilenceIsFalling/pseuds/TheSilenceIsFalling
Summary: It was all over. Bilbo now needs to make a decision and to begin his healing process.





	It Ends Between One Heartbeat And The Next

Bilbo did not immediately go back to the Shire once the funerals for the sons of Durin had finished. He was far too numb to make the journey with a clear head, and the road west was far too dangerous to travel along without a clear mind. Even if you had a wizard to escort you.

He couldn’t believe that they were gone, that he had just buried them beneath the halls that they had fought so hard for. It wasn’t fair. They had deserved to live, to thrive and to watch their kingdom grow prosperous and strong under the rule of the Mountain King.

But life isn’t fair, and Bilbo had learnt that the hard way.

He wasn’t sure what to do with himself anymore. He knew that Thorin had forgiven him, had taken back his banishment and welcomed Bilbo into his mountain home, welcomed him back as his friend. He could remain here, in Erebor and help his dwarrow rebuild their homes, their lives, and forever be reminded of the absence of the dwarrow that meant the most to him. Or he could return to the Shire, to shallow relatives and an empty and echoing smial.

Both options came with their own heartbreak, but at least in the Shire he wouldn’t be met with the pitying and sympathetic gazes that he was met with when among the dwarrow. He would not be treated like he was fragile, a piece of glass or pottery that everyone was scared to touch just in case he broke and was unable to be fixed. He was already broken, and he knew that he would never be whole again, no matter how much he, or anyone else tried to fix him. 

The most that he could do was gather the pieces together and hope for the best. The pain that he felt now would ease, with enough time. He knew that from the death of his parents during the Fell Winter. What he, or anyone, could ever know was how much time it would take for the pain to grow fainter. It could take a few months, a year, or the rest of his life. But the sharpness of the memory would fade, and the pain would retreat into the memories of Bilbo’s time among the company.

It didn’t take Bilbo long to decide what he would do. He had no place among the dwarrow, no skill that could be of aid to them. None that the dwarrow, bar his company, would consider useful. What use would they have for a burglar, or for someone that looked like a grocer? He was not a warrior, well, not much of a warrior. Not according to Dain’s men and the other dwarrow that travelled to Erebor from the Blue Mountains at least.

They told him that he didn’t have to go, that he could stay with them and be welcomed into their families, be welcomed into their homes as he had once welcomed them into his. He couldn’t accept. He would never be able to accept. 

He had become like them. The journey had changed him so much that he now had no place to belong, no real place to call home. He knew that Hobbiton, that his home under the hill would never quite feel like home anymore. He would never have a home again, now that his heart lay deep beneath mountain halls of rock and stone.

He could only leave his beloved an arrangement of flowers, flowers that spoke the words that he never had the courage to speak aloud. And he could only leave similar arrangements for the boys that he had considered his own. He had made a family out of the company, and he loved them all dearly, but he knew it was his time to leave. He told them that it was for the best. They disagreed, of course they did, but they let him go nonetheless. They didn’t let him go empty handed though. They piled his arms and his pack with gold and gems, as a thank you, they had told him. He thanked them in return, knowing that to give it back to them would only upset them.

They helped him to load up his and Gandalf’s horse and pony, both with supplies and treasure. It was just before they were to leave that Bilbo told them to wait, told them that he would be back soon. He had ignored the confused shouts and looks as he ran towards the base of the mountain, away from the front gates and away from the still stained battlefield. He ran and ran until he found what he was looking for. He fell to his knees and started to dig into the dirt, clawing at the cold ground until he had made a small hole. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a single acorn, staring at it for a moment. A blade of light lit him and the ground around him up. He raised his head to see that the sun was finally peeking through the dark clouds that had hovered in the sky since before the battle. It made him smile.

“I may not be able to give you much more than this, Thorin, but know that I will always hold you close to my heart. Let my love for you help this tree grow strong, so that it will always be a reminder of what we, of what the company, has gone through,” Bilbo placed the acorn into the hole, quickly covering it with the soil.

He made his way back to the confused company, who he told that there was a place marked near the base of the mountain. He requested that they care for that spot, water it and protect it, so that the acorn he had planted would thrive. They had looked at him with soft eyes, not quite understanding why he had done it, but knowing that the action had come from his heart.

As he mounted his pony and slowly began the journey back to the Shire the pieces that Bilbo had shattered into slowly began to draw together. He would never quite be whole again, and the pain would never leave him, but he could not change the past.

He says that he never looked back, but he could not help it. His heart lay beneath that mountain, and he vowed that one day his heart would be returned to him.


End file.
